April McGowan

Everything Must Change

I love the sound of the geese flying overhead as they leave thePacific Northwest for warmer locales. I know that some are really just moving from place to place here, because they stay in the area. But most are on their way south.

I remember once when my daughter was about 6. We had just parked the car and I saw multiple V’s of geese flying overhead. I rolled down the windows to let in the sound of their honking and grinned at my daughter, wanting her to share in my excitement. “Hear that sound? Those are the geese flying over on their way south. They’re leaving for the winter.”

Instead of having a warm fuzzy moment with my daughter, I learned something about her character. Unbeknownst to me, she had a deep-set fear of change (she’s still not happy about it, but it’s better now). Rather than share in my enthusiasm, she began to cry, “I don’t want the geese to leave!” In seconds, she became inconsolable. She wanted me to bring them back. I tried my best to assure her they would be back in the spring, but nothing I said made any difference to her.

I can identify with that. This past year I’ve had become accustomed to a new way of living. After a lifetime of illness, I was diagnosed with CVID (If you want to know what that is, please read here). The diagnosis explained why I’d been sick so often (starting at 4 mos with tonsillitis). But, at the same time, it ushered in this new phase of change, of letting go, of slowing down (consuming fatigue as my body does it’s best to fight off germs the best it can), of learning to protect myself from illness (RUN!) and how open doors in public places without touching them.

As glad as I was to get the diagnosis, I’ve fought the idea of it. I wanted a cure-all treatment. Now that I knew what was broken, I wanted the doctors to fix it. Well, that’s not to be. I can be treated with SCIG (subcutaneous immunoglobulin via weekly home infusions for the rest of my life), but I can’t be ‘fixed’ medically. I might have to fight this fatigue for the rest of my life. I’ll always have to be careful of germy places (i.e the public). And the treatments are quite expensive (so much so no one really wants to tell you how much they cost). We thank the Lord for our insurance and His provision to pay for it when I start in January.

Anyway, I didn’t want to have a chronic illness. I didn’t want to have a disability. I wanted my life back. But, what I came around to is this is my life. We had to change dramatically when my son was diagnosed some time back with a-typical celiac and other food allergies, and here we go changing again. It’s disconcerting, uncomfortable, and it’s really not much fun. But, God’s helping me handle it. I listened to a sermon today that reminded me of a very important truth:

God doesn’t often change our circumstances, but He can change us through our circumstances. And He’s ALWAYS with us.

Change is an un-comfy thing. But, like my daughter, with the Lord’s help I’m getting better at it. And I’m so thankful for that the love of the Lord is unchanging, never faltering, and always sustaining.

Psalm 9:9-10 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you. (Full text here.)

Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. (Full text here.)

2 Comments

  1. Sue Miholer
    Oct 24, 2011

    I, too, don’t like change, but have become more accepting of it now that I can look back over 66 years of life and see the good that changes have accomplished in my life.
    Sue Miholer

  2. Louise
    Oct 24, 2011

    Very insightful. You are a talented woman.

What do you think? Leave me a comment :)

%d bloggers like this: