by April | Aug 12, 2011 | Uncategorized
I’m getting ready to attend the Oregon Christian Writers’ summer conference. It’s something I wait for every year, and I’ll most likely blog about all the wonderful things I’ve learned once it’s over. Usually, the things I come back talking about have little to do with classes-but everything to do with God’s encouragement and blessing (either in my life or the life of another attendee).
I’m anticipating, as I always do, hanging out with a large group of believers that all have one thing in common: passion for writing. I liken it to finding family you never knew you had, but you experience that connected feeling as soon as you meet each other’s eyes. And there is no end of opportunities to encourage one another. Last summer I was very nervous before an editor meeting. As I walked into the meeting hall, a women I’d never met before complemented me on my outfit and told me how nice I looked. By the time I sat down for my meeting, I wasn’t nervous at all. I never saw her again, but she made a huge impact on my self-image. You’ve heard of random acts of kindness–well at the OCW conference we have random acts of praying (I was going to give them an acronym…but having someone R.A.P you doesn’t sound nice). When a perfect stranger stops you and prays for you and your writing, it’s moving and humbling.
I’ve come to accept that this year is going to be different. It’ll be the first time I’ve taken on something this big since I was diagnosed with chronic illness. I’m often fatigued, and need a nap during the day. Long walks are a challenge, and clear thinking can escape my grasp. Not to mention the long drive to and from the conference. But, my husband said, “GO”, so I’m going!
If you’ve ever been to a conference, you know how intense they are. You attend lectures and classes, you meet and mingle and, as in my case, you pitch your book to anyone that will stand still long enough to listen (market, market, market)! It goes without saying, this takes a lot of energy—something I don’t have at this time in my life.
Instead, I’m adjusting my expectations accordingly. I plan on taking an easier time of it, just relaxing and enjoying my time. I’ve submitted my novel proposal to a handful of publishers—I’ll find out if they want to chat on next Tuesday. If they don’t, then I’ll have even more time on my hands to just enjoy being with other writers and visit, sit in a peaceful spot on a bench and meditate…or grab a nap in my car. (Is it bad I’m looking forward to napping in my car??).
I’ll let you know how it goes!
by April | Jun 12, 2011 | Encouragement, Immune Deficiency, Uncategorized
I’m noticing two reoccurring themes in my life in the past three years: serious illness and the encouraging words of others telling me not to quit, to keep on praying and trust in God’s providence.
First, it was my son, then my husband (who are both doing very well now) and this year it’s my turn. Although, all in all, I’d rather have been skipped. I’ve recently been diagnosed with an immune deficiency. I’ve had it all my life—often sick throughout childhood into adulthood—but it wasn’t until this year it really clobbered me. This is typical of genetic immune disorders. That doesn’t make me feel any better, but it adds clarity!
I have to admit there’s been many times in the past few months when I have been at the end of my rope, unable to think clearly, suffering from severe fatigue, fevers and exhaustion and feeling not only useless—but worthless. Those are lies of the enemy, but it’s hard to look up when you are feeling like that.
Every time I’ve felt like I just can’t deal with it any more, someone comes alongside me, get’s in my face (in a loving way) and tells me not to quit, not to give up and keep praying. The timing has always been perfect—when I most need to hear it. Just recently one of my doctors really gave me the pep talk I needed. She looked me in the eyes and said, “You’re a mess, but I’m going to tell you something. Don’t give in to this, don’t give up, keep going, don’t quit—and pray!”
I believe God is sovereign, but illness and circumstances can cloud me from seeing His presence. When I remember to look for those moments, I find many throughout my life (see previous post Picket Fences). But when I’m down, I don’t remember them well.
Lately though, I feel like God is going out of His way to remind me I’m not alone. Through His Word, through friends speaking words of encouragement, through the occasional song on the radio—these reminders that I should keep going when I most want to quit are everywhere. When I see His encouragement, I’m humbled. He’s not distant, watching me suffer—He’s right here, holding me up, giving me strength to face the day.
Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
John 16:33 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
by April | Mar 26, 2011 | Encouragement, Uncategorized
I’ve always like Impressionist paintings. Several years ago, I had the opportunity to see a display of Monet’s paintings at the Portland Art Museum. I’d been an admirer for years, but seeing them in person amazed me. There almost wasn’t enough room to see them properly–to see them best, it’s at a distance. Up close, the paintings looked like nothing more than a disorganized mass of dabbed earthy colors, blending reds, oranges, purples, greens and blues. But at a distance, the dots and dabs of color separated into wonderful forms and shapes delineating lily pads, bridges, and groups of picnickers all washed in an otherworldly light.
In my last blog, I mentioned my husband was unexpectedly looking for work–and although we were surprised, God wasn’t. In the midst of all of that I had doctor appointments and specialist appointments (you know how hard it is to get in with a specialist) and didn’t know if I could keep them all if we had to change insurance companies. God provided another job in a week’s time, with the same contracting company at the same rate and insurance, so nothing had to change at all. Except where my husband goes to work.
Loss of employment, poor health, troubling relationships–all these things can blindside me and draw my focus on the little dabs, not on God’s big picture for my life. They can tempt me to fear and worry, to feel helpless and out of control. But, if I remember to take a step back, pray and let go of my own expectations and trust in my Father’s, then it becomes clear. I might not know the reason for it all now, but one day it will all be made complete. I look forward to that day.
1 Corinthians 13: 8-12 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. (Full text HERE)
by April | Jan 20, 2011 | Encouragement, Thankfulness, Uncategorized
We recently got new cell phones-the old ones were failing, so it was time. But, these are very different from what I was used to. They are more like tiny computers. In fact, I’m using it right now to write this blog.
When we were at the movies the other day, I noticed the ammended reminder signs to turn off our cell phones. Now it included the advisory against texting during the film. Two weeks ago, I would have thought this warning was silly…
All of this has gotten me thinking about change.
As a kid, I remember carrying a dime for the fabled emergency call I was told to always be prepared to make. I wore a backpack stocked with all my cassette tapes, and strapped on a walk-man that weighed like ten pounds, so I could have my tunes with me. (If you’re wondering where my schoolbooks were, don’t worry, they were safe in my locker.) Heaven forbid if my backpack got left in the car on a hot day–my tapes would sound warped and squeaky the next time I listened.
My daughter has an iPod that holds some two-thousand songs and slips neatly into her jacket, or jeans. She has no idea how amazing that is! And since we’ve gotten rid of cable, and only watch Netflix, my kids have no idea what anguish it was to wait for a repeat of favorite show just to miss it and hope against hope they’d run it a third time. Shush, don’t tell, but when I first started watching TV there were still black and white shows on! Or maybe it was because our first TV was a tiny black and white?
So, where am I going with all this? I was just imagining a time traveler from only fifty years ago popping in on our civilization and being in awe about the advances we’ve made, the ability we have to communicate so easily with one another, and to ask where in the world all the pay phones went to.
And it all makes me wonder just which things around me I’m taking for granted.
by April | Aug 10, 2010 | Encouragement, Uncategorized
20 years ago…no wait…23 years ago, I fell head over heals for my husband. He was then my very good friend, who turned into my best friend, who turned into my husband. That’s a lot of turning. After three years of courting, we finally got married. And we didn’t have a clue what we were in for. But, who does?
I’m very grateful to have my husband. When I say, grateful, I mean to God, the orchestrator of our lives. Looking back, it’s so funny to see where we came from. We met in high school, a turbulent time for most teens. We were very competitive in a business computer class. He almost always won (he’s now thinking, what do you mean almost?) at whatever we were doing, and that infuriated me! He was silly—I need silly. He was dedicated—I love dedicated. He was headstrong and compassionate at the same time.
When my daughter asks me (or more often than not, I’m telling her and my son what to look for in a spouse) about dating and marriage, I say, “Marry your best friend. Marry the one you can imagine yourself being dirt poor with—because that will most likely happen at one or maybe multiple times in your marriage. Marry the one that you want to tell your secrets to, and whom you know will KEEP those secrets. Marry the one you think of first when something wonderful happens, and too when something awful happens. But first and foremost, marry a person who has given their heart to the Lord.”
I mean, troubles come—we know they do. But, when we both keep our eyes on the Lord, then we are less likely to have our eyes on our troubles, or to be overtaken by those problems.
Happy 20th anniversary to my best friend and the love of my life. It’s been an amazing adventure so far—I can’t wait to see what the next 20 years hold.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: 10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
by April | May 26, 2010 | Short Stories, Uncategorized, Writing
Alexia refused gifts and thought family events were like emergency-room visits, painful and preventable. As another guest strolled by and squeezed her arthritic hand in greeting, she envisioned herself out in the garden of her old home, the aroma of jasmine wafting about her on the warm spring day. Instead, she sat in the over-sanitized dining hall of an assisted living home, barraged by well meaning, but quite annoying friends and family.
She turned ninety-five today. The day marked an anniversary of another kind as well, it was three years ago today they moved her into this place. She’d wanted to die in her own home, but her family thought otherwise. They wanted her to die amongst the care of strangers, those paid to pretend they wanted her there.
With a sigh, she leaned back and put the most recent unwanted gift on the table nearest her. Her family, she supposed, meant well in their own way. She glanced out the window onto a concrete courtyard framed by aging, brown arborvitae and dying irises.
“Grandma?” A voice boomed near her head and she started in her chair. “Sorry there, Grandma. There’s a visitor here for you.”
She stared at the balding attendant dressed in yellow scrubs with a puppy-dog print stretching over his expansive stomach.
“I never gave you permission to call me Grandma or anything else, for that matter.” She gave him her best scowl, a look that would have brought him to his knees in her younger days as an English teacher.
“She’s a feisty one.” He spoke to a young woman—well she looked young to Alexia, but everyone did. Alexia noted that she was quite attractive as she watched her pull up a metal folding chair.
“I didn’t know it was your birthday.” Her confession came in hushed tones as she looked around the room at the balloons and guests milling about, speaking overly loud to the other aged attendees.
“Then what in the world are you doing here?” Alexia looked at the woman again, and couldn’t place her. That was nothing new today. Relatives came out of the woodwork for this birthday. Many of them told her where they lived and what their financial status was, making her wonder if they were putting in a last-ditch effort to be added to her substantial will.
“Well, I wanted to see you. My mother told me so much about you, that when I moved to the area, I thought I should stop in and say hi.”
“Who is your mother?”
“Lilly Sampson.”
The name floated through her memory until it found purchase. “Lilly. How is she? She was my best student!”
“She’s passed away. But she spoke of you so often, I felt I knew you.”
Dear Lilly, gone. She’d written so many wonderful articles and even a few books over the years. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”
“It was recent. Cancer.”
“It’s taken many of my friends and family.”
“Mine too.”
“So, what do you do?”
“I write. Novels. I’m not published yet, but I’m working on it every day.”
“Good. Don’t give up. If it’s your gift, then that’s what you should do. I’d love to read your work. Although, these days, with my old eyes, you’d probably have to read it to me.” Alexia knew in this busy day and age, young people had too few moments to stop in and visit, let alone read to an old woman.
“Would you really? That’d mean so much to me. Mom said you were the best editor she ever had.”
“Oh, that’s lovely.” She reached over and took the young woman’s hand in hers.
“I’m sorry I don’t have a present with me.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Alexia glanced at the growing stack of gifts and felt relief. What would an old woman sharing a two hundred square foot room do with all those things anyway? Most would probably be knickknacks soon knocked off her solitary bookcase by the inept staff and swept into the dustbin. She looked at her new friend as she moved to leave.
“Will you be back soon? With your novel?” She watched the woman’s eyes sparkle.
“Yes. How about tomorrow?”
“Perfect.”
She leaned down and gave Alexia a kiss on her cheek. It was the most sincere thing she’d received all day.
“You haven’t told me your name.”
“Alex. Mom named me after you.” Unshed tears filled her eyes as she waved goodbye and left.
What a lovely gift.
Copyright by April McGowan 2010
I’m getting ready to attend the Oregon Christian Writers’ summer conference. It’s something I wait for every year, and I’ll most likely blog about all the wonderful things I’ve learned once it’s over. Usually, the things I come back talking about have little to do with classes-but everything to do with God’s encouragement and blessing (either in my life or the life of another attendee).
