April McGowan

Seasons Change

Because of chronic illness this year, I’ve been watching the world pass me by primarily from my window—or my computer. In doing so, I’m continually surprised when my children usher in a new season. They like to find the first day of Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall on the calendar. Pretty soon they’ll flip the calendar and shout, “Happy first day of Autumn!”

I’m reminded how fast time really does go by us all. If you are out in the working world, or out at all, you notice the signs. A new crispness to the air in the morning, more dew on the car, school supplies going on sale and the changing leaves on the trees indicate Fall—even more so than the dates on the calendar changing. But, when you are primarily indoors, as I have been, you miss these signs and it feels like time is sneaking past you!

When I first started noticing that the world was passing me by, I felt frustrated and more than a little helpless. I mean, I’m a doer. I have projects. I get stuff done.  Well, now I still get stuff done–but I’m learning to delegate the projects. This takes more planning ahead. I can’t just get it into my head to go organize something. I have to line up the crew to get it done. Like, the garage. You know, that place where everything you can’t deal with “now” goes and waits for you…and multiplies? Usually, I head out there every couple months and attack it. But I can’t do that anymore–not without risking my health. SO, today my kids and parents helped clean out the madness. It’s still pretty “stacky” out there, but all the dust kitties are swept away and the broken, unnecessary things are gone.

As I mentioned in my last post, the more I let go of my own expectations and ask God what His expectations of me are, the easier I feel in my spirit and the more I am at peace with my circumstances. This isn’t an easy thing to do–it takes prayer and practice. And patience. So, if like me, you are feeling caught in a down-time not of your own choosing (or perhaps a whirlwind of schedules) just remember that God knows every detail. Take some time and ask Him what He’d like to do with you while you wait for the next season to change.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:  a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. (Full chapter here).

3 Comments

  1. Bonnie Leon
    Aug 29, 2011

    I totally relate. Thank you for sharing. It’s not easy to live with disability.

    I’m getting out–too stubborn not to. But I pay a price — paying for my berry picking yesterday and wondering was it worth it? YES!!!

    I’m thankful I could do it. A few months ago it would have been impossible. Praying for lots of good days for all that suffer and when the tough days hit us I pray for strength and perspective — And that we feel God’s presence.

    Grace and peace to you.

    • amcgowan
      Aug 29, 2011

      Bonnie: Yeah…you definitely have to choose where and when you use your energy, just realize you might have to pay for it the next day! Some times you just have to go for it. 🙂 Praying for you, too.

  2. Billie Jo Robbins
    Aug 30, 2011

    I totally relate to this also April!..I have been feeling a restlessness of my spirit lately. Cant’ figure out if that is the same as discontentment or not?…Feeling like I want to do something different…could be all these days and years cooped up, and watching the world go by…That is what my poem is going to be about..maybe it will help me figure it out!..Thanks for sharing:)

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